On the Possibility of Telepathic Communion with Avocados: A Double-Blind, Placebo-Controlled Guacamole Trial

Abstract

Avocados (Persea americana) are generally considered a dietary staple rather than a tool of psychonautic exploration. To interrogate this assumption, the author designed a double-blind, placebo-controlled guacamole ingestion study, where subjects (n=1, the author) attempted to discern whether mashed avocados could transmit non-verbal communication. Subjective reports included vivid impressions of “buttery cosmic wisdom” and repeated telepathic directives such as “ripen at room temperature.” Control conditions with placebo guacamole (mashed zucchini) elicited no such insights, though participants reported vague feelings of betrayal. The study raises important epistemological questions: Can nutritional fats act as neurotransmitter whisperers? Is guacamole a sacrament or merely a dip? While the findings are limited by sample size, they nevertheless suggest avocados may represent a class of overlooked entheogenic salad ingredients.